I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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