glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was born a porn star she said
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
