I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
