I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
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