I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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