a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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