a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
