OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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