I'm going to jail i love you
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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