I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Dicks are not precious.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
