does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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