you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
