Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
where are my eyebrows?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
