Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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