Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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