Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Randomize
