I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
