well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
