her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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