hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
