we made out on top of his cat.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
