Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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