As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
