...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
