I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
