okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize