I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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