apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
