Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
