Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
