When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
