Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
