You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
