is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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