you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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