p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
