So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
