I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
