did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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