k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
