i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
