I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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