Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
