Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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