I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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