So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
