i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
