UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
