Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
