there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
