you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
