i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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