I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
