Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
