tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So many bounce houses so little time
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
