Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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