I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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