he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
