he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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