just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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