If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
