we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Mom said you looked used
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
