I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
