i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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