Umm I'm too high to move.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
