Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
