My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize